Family Discussion 101

Family Discussion 102

Family Discussions 103 (coming soon)

Victim Mentality

Special Note to Dads

We believe almost any young person can succeed at Chisholm Creek Academy, and more importantly, the learners agree.

The key question is whether we are committed to our own Hero’s Journey as parents, which means trusting our learners to solve their own problems, even when the world seems unfair. The future of Western Civilization may well depend on it.

If a learner has to go home for a day, this is a powerful opportunity for deep learning. Everyone makes mistakes, including those that have powerful consequences, it gives us a chance to encourage deep introspection.

As parents, we’ve found it far more powerful to reexamine our Family Mission and Plan, look explicitly at facing resistance, remove distractions, and disavow the Victim.

First, ask your learner. Learners are typically more than happy to explain how the studio works to newcomers. If your learner says she doesn’t understand the system, it’s more likely she just doesn’t want to discuss it.

Our learners take extremely difficult situations in stride every day. It’s called life. Most of our hearts would break if we knew the challenges learners quietly and bravely overcome.

We’ve found that when an event makes us especially anxious – like social anxiety or bullying – it is more likely about an unresolved issue we faced in childhood than a problem our learner is confronting. However, once a learner senses our concern, he or she may consciously or unconsciously return to the topic, because it brings attention and comfort.

So if a situation makes you particularly angry or anxious, before reacting ask: “Is this more about me or my learner?”

Guides are equipped to never come between a learner and their parents. Our job is to let parents parent and let learners learn to solve their own problems in a safe environment. Guides are there to ensure the guidelines and processes learners create are respected or altered.

All emails sent to any Guide or Owner are immediately copied to all Guides for transparency and so everyone is on the same page. Plus, we keep track of the number of emails we receive from each family. As a yardstick, the average Chisholm Creek Academy parent sends one or less email a year about a specific incident regarding a learner.

Many of us wish our learner would spend more time on handwriting or spelling or math, and when they do not, we want an outside force or school to require the behavior.

Unfortunately, learning doesn’t work this way. Someone has to want to learn if deep learning is to occur. Plato once famously quipped, “Nothing taught by force stays in the soul.”

We’ve found that Growth Mindset language and praise – and most of all patience – work better than criticism or force. We also have systems at Chisholm Creek Academy to reward hard work and growth by rewarding effort (Weekly Points), excellent work (Badges), and leadership (360 Reviews) with more freedom.

If a learner seems to be struggling, we offer encouragement as well as asking the following questions and seeking verification:

Are you doing at least 45 minutes of Aleks (Math) each and every day?

Are you watching the videos?

Do you have a Deep Book and are you reading at least 45 minutes each day?

Are you staying on top of your writing or are you letting it pile up?

Are you doing the research for Socratic Discussions?

Are you guarding against distractions and avoiding being asked for points?

Treat Quests like dessert. If your Learner is struggling, verify that the required effort is being put into Core Skills first.

Our promise is to equip and inspire your learner to find a calling that will change the world. Struggles and difficulties are part of the journey.

Research shows that “happiness” is a momentary feeling, while “fulfillment” is a more constant, long-term state of being. We have found this to be true, and that chasing “happiness” is often a frustrating (and ultimately unhelpful) journey. This is why Chisholm Creek Academy focuses on long term satisfaction and fulfillment, rather than momentary happiness.

As parents, we’ve found our learners grow most when we comfort them and listen empathically, but do not try to solve the problem ourselves or allow blame to be cast on others. “I hear you. That must be so hard. I trust you to find a way to solve this on your own and can’t wait to hear how you did it” seem to be the most powerful words we can use as parents.

If your goal is to have a child who is happy all the time, Chisholm Creek Academy may not be the right place for you.

Many parents worry that without a teacher it’s impossible to “learn math.” We’ve found just the opposite: Aleks is incredibly powerful and requires users to learn to think critically, from a number of perspectives, mastering a far broader set of mathematical approaches.

In contrast, many traditional math teachers simply ask students to repeat a limited number of simple algorithms as homework. And despite what we might hope, seldom do traditional schools deliver powerful theoretical insights.

Learners who have a hard time with Aleks typically struggle because they do not do the work or are not watching the videos. It is likely they would find the lectures of most traditional math teachers far more boring.

So if your Learner is struggling, start by making sure he/she is spending 45 minutes a day, every day. Encourage them to watch the videos, every time, and only afterwards to seek Socratic help in the studios. We’ve also found as parents that sitting beside a learner who is doing Aleks provides encouragement.

Our goal is to arm learners to solve their own problems, without parental intervention. So, first:

Ask your learner for permission to become involved before you do anything.

Please resist the temptation to email a Guide unless it is a matter of serious, immediate harm. Guides are asked not to respond directly to parent emails, but to follow a process that equips the learners to solve their own problems.

Ask your learner whether she should approach a Guide or Council with the issue and help her frame the issue in a positive light.

If the issue remains unresolved, ask your learner to write an email to the Council and copy Guides, expressing their frustration and a proposed remedy.

If the issue is a personal one between learners, ask your Learner to call for a Conflict Resolution session, by email to Council with Guides copied.

If the issue is serious and remains unresolved, a learner may call for everyone involved to meet to address the issue, and parents are welcome to observe but not participate. We’ve found requiring everyone to be in the same room discourages mixed messages and triangulation, and often de-escalates issues.

Learners at Chisholm Creek Academy have access to the lessons of some of the great teachers in the world, from Sal Khan to Richard Feynman, from a Youtube video to a studio mate sitting beside them. We equip learners to hire or engage one of these resources whenever they need to, rather than be captive to a boring teacher-as-authority model.

Young people are so accustomed to being under the authority of adults that we have found it impossible to have a Guide serve as both a Socratic role model and an authority figure, which is why Guides simply do not answer questions.

Teaching and learning are not the same thing. Our main job is to provide the inspiration, tools and processes for learners to solve the difficult challenges we offer, until they are ready to find their own challenges.

This is a difficult question because human motivation remains one of the great unsolved mysteries. Our studio systems, modeled after companies like Google, are designed to reward effort, excellent work, and leadership with more freedom.

For some who are struggling, increasingly higher amounts of effort and goodwill to remain in the studio are simply not enough. Learners must choose to be here in both word and deed. This means accepting the responsibilities that are offered.

There is no amount of cajoling, bribing, or convincing we can do to motivate a learner who simply doesn’t want to be here. This school is not for everyone. It is a privilege to be a part of a studio community.

When we still see motivation issues as parents, the three most likely suspects are:

Distraction: Is your learner, like most, drawn into social media, games, web surfing, or other types of cheap distraction?

If so, as a parent, you may need to strictly limit access to these distractions. While extrinsic rewards have their limits, some parents have found tying electronic access to Weekly Points will increase motivation.

When in this situation, we often ask ourselves if we are fiddling with our own phones instead of paying enough attention to those around us.

Resistance: Sometimes it just takes courage to take the first step. Encouragement and modeling are powerful tools here, and we would highly recommend The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield, perhaps even listening to it on the way to school for older learners (there is a bit of racy language, but only in a few places.)

We often ask ourselves when we see resistance in our learners, when is the last time we took a difficult and courageous first step in front of our family?

The Victim: Often learners gain attention and solace by playing the part of the victim, and almost all families have some form of the Dreaded Drama Triangle. We highly recommend listening to the book as a family or watching the videos, and committing to use the language of empowerment instead.

At the very least, while being empathetic we refuse to allow our learners to blame others or circumstances. If you were born in America and attend Chisholm Creek Academy, the lament that “life is unfair” rings hollow.

When the Victim is the issue, we ask if we are modeling negative or blaming language ourselves, or playing the part of a Rescuer or a Persecutor.

No need to email or text. Parents are welcome anytime.

Please keep them home.